Ultimate TwilightAnime Showdown aka Duck Ears
by darkYuYubaka
Summary: A ray gun, the Cullens, and Anime? What will happen next?
1. Chapter 1

Duck Ears

Duck Ears

aka

The Ultimate Twilight/Anime Showdown

By Darkie and Numa Luma

WARNING

This fanfic contains extreme randomness and many inside jokes! Also many anime characters will appear in this ULTIMATE CRAZY CROSSOVER FANFIC!

DISCLAIMER

Darkie and Numa Luma do not own the characters from Twilight, Naruto, Saiyuki, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, The Wallflower, Wolfs Rain, Inuyasha, Death Note, Bleach, Dragon Ball Z, and any other anime/video game that makes its way in here. Etc.

CLAIMER

We own

our friends Ohhhhhhhh XD!

-Our crazy story begins at a chemistry convention (every chemistry teacher in the world is there) in Chicago. –

Chemistry Convention

Speaker: So what do you think we need to do to improve our teaching abilities? …… Anyone? …..Ah yes, you!

Mr. Ducomon: I think we need to give more homework and just make them cry.

-BOOM-

Kano Darkie-chan: Time to be STUPIFYED!

Sailor Vaki: I can't believe I'm working with you.

George the Carrot: The ray gun is ready to be fired at your order Kano Darkie-sama.

Numa Luma: You will never teach chemistry again!

Kano Darkie-chan: Hey that's my line!

Numa Luma: Oh…..sorry.

Kano Darkie-chan: YOU WILL NEVER TEACH CHEMISTRY AGAIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Prepare to fire the ray gun!

George the Carrot: Preparing to fire the ray gun.

Chemistry teachers: ……….

Chemistry teacher 1: Should we call the cops?

Speaker: Already did that.

George the Carrot: Ray gun prepared.

Kano Darkie-chan: Fire the Ray Gun!

Numa Luma: Bye-bye!

George the Carrot: Firing ray gun now.

-Beep Beep Beep BANG-

Numa Luma: Was it supposed to make that sound?

Kano Darkie-chan: Ummm…No!

Police: STOP villains!

Kano Darkie-chan: Run!

Numa Luma: Which direction?? – Numa Luma is panicking-

Sailor Vaki: That a way.

-The gang of weird super heroes and villains escaped and went back home, sad that their plan didn't work, but they didn't know that their ray gun did something else….-

Monday at school on a DARK GLOOMY DAY

Laura: To bad our ray gun didn't work.

Luma: ….I'm gonna have to take chemistry next year. –Luma cries-

Laura: Don't cry Luma.

Luma: Ok!

-Vicky comes-

Luma: Hi Vicky!

Laura: Hey Vicky! Was up!

Vicky: Hey guys!

Laura: Vicky did you put up a new chapter for your fanfic yet?

Vicky: No.

-All the sudden a shiny new Volvo comes and parks at the school and a bunch of BEAUTIFUL people come out.-

Laura, Luma, and Vicky: ON MY GRASS!

Laura: It's them, it's really them.

Laura's mind: Oh crap, I have to keep a distance!

Luma: Vicky you were right!

Vicky: I can't believe this! –Vicky falls down laughing. Luma runs up to the Beautiful people after knocking down a football player to get a camera.-

At the shiny new Volvo

Luma: Ahhh! Do you know who she is! –Points to Vicky, who is still on the ground laughing.- She is a Psychic!

Beautiful people: ……..

-Luma hugs them, snaps a shot, and then runs for her life.-

Luma: Laura I will meet you at your locker! –Luma enters the school.-

Vicky: Did you see that! She is CRAZY! HAHAHA!

Laura: She forgot to take her medicine….this is going to be a long day.

Laura's Locker

Laura: That's just great! Edward is here! We made an agreement NOT to see each other when are friends are around. How am I supposed to explain we go gamble together on Tuesdays!

Katie and Luma: Hi Laura!

Katie: Were just talking to your self?

Laura: Uhhhh……

Luma: Katie! Katie! You won't believe this!

Katie: Believe what?

Luma: The Cullens' are here!

Katie: Luma they are not.

-Edward and Bella just walk by and enter a class room.-

Katie: OMG! They are at our school! –Katie faints-

Laura: It's thirty we got to go.

Luma: Ok, but is she gonna be ok?

Laura: She'll be fine just leave her there.

Luma: What?

Laura: I'm just kidding, of course were going to wake her up. –Laura slaps Katie.-

Katie: What happened?

Laura: Nothing, were going to class.

Luma: Bye-bye Katie!

-Laura and Luma leave.-

English Class

Mrs. Clark: Ok class today we have three new students.

Laura: You've got to be kidding me!

Luma: Can it be??

-Three new BEAUTIFUL students walk in, well one of them looks normal.-

Mrs. Clark: Well don't be shy, introduce yourselves!

New Student 1: I'm Emmett and I don't bite…occasionally.

New Student 2: I'm Bella.

New Student 3: I' m Alice! Were from Washington!

Luma: Ahhhh!

Mrs. Clark: What's the matter?

Laura: Uhhh…she forgot to take her medicine. I'll take her to the nurse.

-Laura drags Luma out of the class and into the girl's bathroom.-

Girl's B-room

Laura: Luma get a hold on your self!

Luma: But Laura, they're real!

Laura: Ya, but if you don't calm down they are going to throw you in the funny farm.

Luma: Well, how come you aren't excited?

Laura: Well…

Luma: Laura…did you meet them before? ….Tell me please!

Laura: Ok! Ok! I go gambling with Edward and Alice every Tuesday night.

Luma: …..You didn't tell me!

Laura: Well I was, but I lost a bet.

Luma: You bet against Alice didn't you.

Laura: She stripped me of everything I own!

Luma: How could you bet against Alice??

Laura: I was drunk on their scent.

Luma: That explains it.

Laura: Will you control yourself enough to get through the day?

Luma: I'll try, but no promises. I'm high on the fact they're here.

Laura: Good enough for me.

-Laura and Luma go back to class.-

English Class (again)

Mrs. Clark: Luma are you ok?

Luma: Yes.

Laura's mind: Oh crap! They sit right in front of us.

Luma's mind: Keep cool. Keep cool. Keep cool.

Luma: Laura, I'm going to kill myself.

Laura: Me too.

-Here is a picture of the class.-

Picture Key

? filler student's desk teacher's desk la Laura's desk lu Luma's desk

a Alice's desk e Emmett's desk b Bella's desk

? ? ? b ? ?

? ? ? e a ?

? ? ? lu la ?

-After enduring a terrible English class the bell rings and Laura and Luma run into the hall.-

In the Hall

Laura: We are FREE!

Luma: -Gets down on knees.- SWEET FREEDOM!

-Edward and Bella come-

Edward: What are you doing?

Laura & Luma: Eep! –They jump, startled.-

Edward & Bella: O.O;

Luma: We got to go; we'll be late for class.

Bella: But –Laura & Luma run off before Bella could say anything.- weird…

Outside the ROTC Room

Laura: Well, maybe that's the last we'll see of the..

Luma: Look!

-Jasper suddenly appears & walks into the room.-

Laura: What? What sane person…SERIOUSLY joins ROTC?

Luma: Him apparently.

Laura: Darn it!

Luma: Well, at least there's no one in my next class!

-Jacob Black walks by.-

Jacob B: Great, now I have physical science next.

-Luma stares at him in disbelief.-

Laura: Yes! Now we must all SUFFER!

Luma: Oh well, at least he can't control my feelings!

Laura: Darn it!

-The warning bell rings and they both go off to class.-

ROTC

Flight Commander: Flight attention! –They go through their daily routines.-

Kediatis (Keds): -whispers- Laura! Look at the new kid!

Laura: He's new alright.

Diana: He looks like someone I know.

Sam-Sam: He kinda looks like Jasper from Twilight.

Sgt. S: Alright you losers! –Losers equal winners to Sgt. S- We have a new cadet today. His name is Cadet Cullen!

-Vicky, Keds, Sam-Sam, & Diana anime fall.-

Vicky: That is Jasper!

Laura: -sarcastically- Shocker!

Sgt. S: Hey you losers! Stop disturbing my class. You know Miss. Jones (Vicky) he could kick your butt if he waned tot because he out RANKS you!

Everyone stares at Jasper in disbelief.-

Laura: I wonder how Luma is doing….

Physical Science

Luma: Oh god. Ms. Madej looks pissed. –Frowns-

Jacob: Hey guys look we have a new kid.

Won: Man he is tall.

Robby: Luma! Who the heck is that?

Luma: You don't want to know.  
Ms. M: You are a student? –She looks very confused.-

Jacob B: Yes.

Alyssa (Neko-chan): He looks like a giant hobo.

Ms. M: Are you a super senior?

Jacob B: NO! I'm just tall.

Ms. M: Whatever, just sit next to Robby.

Jacob: -whispers- He stole my name.

Natalie: He's cute!

Jacob B: I have a girlfriend.

Luma: Oh please, Bella is a cat person…opps.

Jacob B: GASP…Oh no you didn't!

Robby: YO MAMA!

Josh: Guys! Guys! Cool it! Ms. M looks like she is going to explode!

Neko-chan: Who wants skittles?

Ms. M: That's it! You are all getting –The bell rings & everyone runs out.-

In the Hallway

Jacob B: Hey you're Mike Newton!

Mike: Who?

Robby: Who is he talking about?

Luma: For the love of Allah!

Robby: Shaw!

Luma: Look! Does he look like Mike Newton?

Jacob B: No –frowns-

Neko-chan: Seriously anyone want some skittles?

Luma: End of story –throws a stick– fetch!

-Jacob B chases after the stick & the rest go to their 4th period class.-

Chemistry

Laura: Ugh! I HATE this class!

-Walks in and discovers her new classmates. Rosalie and Emmett were talking to themselves, while Stephanie upheld a very noisy conversation with Alice, as Katie & Blair joined in, Vaki met her & ISE at the door.

Laura: -.-;

Vaki: Hey Duck-Lover!

Laura: Hey…

-Alice walks up to them.-

Alice: Hey Laura!

Laura: Hi…

Alice: Awww, you're not still mad, are you?

Laura: YOU CHEATED!

Alice: Be happy – She smiled.- I really like it here!

-Stephanie, Katie, & Blair joined the group.-

Stephanie: Do you know each other?

Alice: Yep!

Blair: So then you know the other two? –She gestured to Emmett & Rosalie.-

Laura: Maybe…

All: O.o;

-The bell rang and everybody went to find their seats.-

Stephanie: I like that Alice girl.

Katie: I bet you would, she's just like you.

Vaki: You ok, duck?

Laura: Never.

-As it turns out, Emmett sat across from her, making them future lab partners.-

Emmett: -Laughs- C'mon! This is going to be fun!

Laura: I'm never betting again!

-At this point, Mr. Ducomon walked in and started to explain those pointless lab rules.-

Laura's mind: -Sigh- I wonder how Luma's next class is going. –She suddenly snickered, remembering who was in it.-

Driver's ED

-Edward & Jasper walk into the class. Edward has a psychotic look on his face.-

Vicky: Keds! Luma! Check it out!

Keds: OMG! YES!

Luma: Crap! Can't let him hear me.

Luma's mind: LALALALALALA THIS SUCKS NA NANANA …….

Edward: Hello! I was wondering when I will be able to use the simulators and how fast they go.

Mr. Huey: Oh you two must be the new students.

Jasper: Yes.

Mr. H: Well, you came on a good day! We will be using the simulators.

-Edward's face lights up like a little kid on X-mas. After a bunch of chatter they all go to the simulators.-

Simulator Room

Mr. H: As' go in 1st. Oh, I need to assign you two a simulator. Edward you are 16A and Jasper you are 14A.

-All the As' get in their simulators.-

Vicky: This sucks! Jasper is using the same simulator as Keds and Edward is using the same one Luma uses. –Frowns-

Keds: Tough Luck!

Luma: This should be interesting.

Mr. H: Today's lesson is CRASH AVOIDENCE. Turn on your simulators and begin.

-Click…Click. Edward puts the metal to the petal (literally).-

Edward: What's wrong with this simulator! It's SLOWER than Bella's truck!

Jasper's mind: Edward control yourself.

Edward's mind: ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!

Mr. H: Uhhh….simulator 16 you are going 80 in a school zone. OH CRAP! You just hit a teacher….wait a sec that was ME!

Rocky: Ha! That's the spirit.

-BLINK BLINK-

Edward: Mr. H my simulator is blinking.

Mr. H: Oh, just restart it.

Edward: COOL!

Jasper's mind: Chill! Edward your emotions are out of control.

Edward: Shut up! I have a need for speed!

Meanwhile in Chemistry

-Alice bursts out laughing and falls out of her chair. Everyone stares.-

Laura: Vaki!

Vaki: I didn't do it, this time!

Mr. D: -Sarcastically- What, did you lose your mind on the floor?

Alice: -Pff- No.-Laughs again.-

Rosalie: -Whispers- Alice, what's going on?

Alice: Edward -GASP- driving -HAHAHA- simulator -Ha- breaking -GASP-.

Mr. D: Pull your self together man!

Alice: I'm a WOMAN!

Mr. D: Whatever.

Laura: Ugh –hides face-

Back to Driver's ED

Edward: Uhhh…..Mr. H….

Mr. H: What now?

Edward: My simulator is smoking.

Mr. H: I don't care anymore! You're CRAZY & you're paying for it.

Edward: No problem. Do you want the money now?

Mr. H: Bs' in the simulator!

Luma: Ummm….I'm gonna fail again.

Vicky: Pst….Luma lets switch.

-Luma glares-

Keds: My simulator smells good!

Mr. H: Stop sniffing the steering wheel!

Luma: Pst…Vicky!

Vicky: What?

Luma: There are finger INDENTS in the steering wheel, the speedometer is stuck at 80, the PRNDL is stuck at drive, and the petal is jammed all the way down.

Vicky: HA HA!

Keds: Smells so good!

Edward: That was fun!

Mr. H: Luma stop speeding!

Luma: Sorry…I can't do anything about it.

Jasper: Sorry about that, he has problems.

Luma: I know!

Mr. H: Luma you drove into a wall.

Luma: ……..

-The bell rings & Luma runs out and whacks Edward with a textbook (the textbook broke in half)-

Edward: …..-Keeps walking-

Luma: Hey!

Edward: May I help you? –He is completely clueless.-

Luma: I failed because of you!

Edward: I'm sorry you failed. But I'm not at fault for your irresponsible driving techniques.

Luma: ….Stop trying to dazzle me! And how dare you blame me!

Edward: I have no idea why you are so furious. –He smiles his famous GRIN.-

Luma: I…..You….Me……But…..Broke…..

Laura: Hey Luma!

-Edward escapes.-

Luma: Stupid shiny Volvo owner!

-Edward glares and Luma hides behind Laura.-

Vicky: Hey Laura! You should've seen it!

Laura: What?

Vicky: Edward was in our Driver's Ed class & he destroyed Luma's simulator!

Laura: So that's why Alice was laughing.

Luma: She was laughing?

Laura: Ya, she fell out of her chair too & it wasn't Vaki. By the way, why is your textbook broken?

Luma: I hit Edward with it.

Laura: You got guts.

Vicky: Nope, she's just stupid XD

Luma: Hey! ….. By the way, where is Keds?

Vicky: She is still sniffing the simulator.

Laura: Okay….

-They all walk to their next class.-

Painting

-Seating chart-

Katie Bella Guru

the B Table 2 Krista Jacob B Table 3 Edward Blair Table 4 Laura

Vaki Rodney Luma

Tamika Elizabeth

Melissa Table 1 Vicky Demo Table Jim AP Table Amanda

Courtney Maggie

Teacher's desk

Luma: Hey Guru-sama! Hiya Blair!

Laura: What up guys!

-Rodney walks in with Vaki & the B.-

Laura: Hey guys!

Rodney: hey boss!

The B: ……

Vicky: Was up with him?

Luma: He's cool like that.

Vaki: WOW this class is great!

Courtney: Hey guys was up!

Melissa: Who has an apple?

Luma: Here you go!

Guru-sama: Why did you give her an apple? –Very suspicious-

Luma: Uhhh…because she's hungry.

Guru-sama: OK!

Blair: YOU! I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR! GAY BAR!

Krista: ….Hey Laura did you finish with my Fruba & DeathNote books yet?

Laura: Nooo…sorry.

Krista: Ok, But you have to hurry up.

Tamika: Hey guys check out this new hardcore Yaowie book I got!

Blair: Let me see!

Blair & Tamika: THIS IS SO CUTE!

Vaki: What is Yaowie?

Laura: You don't want to know!

-The bell rings and they take their seats.-

Mrs. B: Hello class! We have three new students. -3 new students enter. Can you guess who.-

Luma: Hey! You owe me a new textbook!

Vicky: Once again she is an idiot!

Katie: -Heartbeat, heartbeat, heartbeat, faint.-

Edward: I don't owe you anything! –He snaps his fingers.-

Luma: Oh no you didn't!

Mrs. B: Oh yes he did. Ok so get back to painting and don't try to find another loophole!

Laura: Darn it!

Jacob B: Bella, I think you should dump the leach and come elope with me. He obviously forgot about you.

Edward & Luma: WHAT!

-Vicky opens her purse & pulls out a box of Scooby Snacks.-

Vicky: Come here doggy –throws the food- FETCH!

-Jacob B runs & catches it with his mouth.-

Edward: HA!

Bella: Hehehehe!

Courtney: Today is my birthday & I wish that I will have Sasuke!

Everyone: ……..

Tamika: That was random.

Guru-sama: Laura do you have any food?

Laura: Ya, you and Blair can raid my lunchbox.

Blair & Guru-sama: Yay!

Blair: Yay, I got the brownies! Here, Luma you can have half.

Luma: Thanks!

Guru-sama: Ohhh! A carrot –Crunch-

George: AHH!

Laura: OMG! NO! GEORGE! –Grabs George the carrot.-

Guru-sama: What?

Laura: You were eating my general!

Guru-sama: Oh…sorry.

-Jacob B throws paint at Edward.-

Edward: Why you MONGREL!

Bella: Jacob!

-Edward throws paint at Jacob.-

Rodney: MORTAL KOMBAT!

-Everybody starts to throw paint (By the way Mrs. B is not in the room right now.)-

Bella: Once people start throwing wet stuff I go outside.

-Bella leaves, Laura & Luma fall off their chairs.-

Laura & Luma: VAKI!

Vaki: LOL!

-Vaki is pushed out of his chair.-

Laura & Luma: HA!  
The B: STOP!

Everyone: ….he can talk?

The B: Mrs. B is coming back!

Everyone: …….

-Picking up the pieces, Blair was the first one to break the silence-

Blair: Crud! We're in trouble!

Katie: No duh!

Luma: Well, at least, I got NO paint on me!

-Guru-sama points to Luma's sleeve.-

Luma: AH MAN!

-All the sudden Melissa bursts out laughing & pointing at Edward.-

Edward: What? –Turns to Rodney- What's wrong?

-The others join in with the laughing.-

Rodney: You need to look in the mirror, man.

-Tamika hands Edward her mirror and he looks appalled as he stares at his now PINK hair.-

Edward: JACOB!

-Bella suddenly burst through the door again.-

Bella: She's coming! She almost caught me!

-She returns to her seat.-

Vaki: -turns to the B- How do you do that?

The B: ………

Krista: Hehehe…..um, Bella?

Bella: Yes? –Krista points at Edward & Mrs. B enters the room.-

Mrs. B: Sorry about that. How's everything go-

Bella: What happened to your hair!?  
-Everyone stared at Edward-

Edward: Um, accidents happen. .;

Mrs. B: You should try to wash that out. Go to the sink.

Bella: -Turns to Sarah (Guru-sama)- Who did that to him?

-Guru pointed to Jacob (who else?)-

Bella: Jacob! –Bella threw Pink SPARKLY paint at him-

Jacob B: Ow.

Mrs. B: Hey! Settle down!

-Edward returns to his seat, quite displeased.-

Laura: -Nudges Edward- Psst. Yo Edward! I heard that if you put yellow oil paint on a person, they could die of cancer.

An evil grin appeared on Edward's face.-

Bella: Edward?

-All his plans stopped.-

Vaki: Why'd you feel the need to do that?

Laura: Cause I'm EVIL KANO DARKIE-chan!

Vaki: Right.

-The bell rang & everyone left with out putting their stuff away.-

The potential Breakup Song, Girlfriend

-As it turns out Laura & Luma caught up with Edward & Bella. All the sudden, Edward made a disgusted looking face.-

Bella: What's wrong, Edward?

Edward: That one girl behind us won't stop singing The Potential Breakup Song in her head.

-They turned-

Laura: Right, because we ALL know there's only one girl behind us. –Yay more sarcasm!-

Edward: Shut up.

Luma: It could be worse, she could be singing Girlfriend. –PAUSE-

Edward: Oh GREAT! Thanks a lot. - -;

Luma: No problem! –Looks quite proud.-

Bella: Who is…

Sam-Sam: Hi guys!

Edward: -Cough- Her. –Cough-

Sam-Sam: WOW, first I met a Jasper, now an Edward & Bella!

Bella: Yeah, we get that a lot. ;

-Edward glares at Laura-

Laura: What's with the death ray? I spoke nothing!

Edward: Right.

-At this point all 5 friends walk into the lunch room where the rest of the Cullens are sitting at the right table. Like they knew where to sit all along. (Thanks to Alice.)-

Robby

R A Krista, Jasper, Katie, Alana, Vaki, Stephanie, Emmett, Rosalie

o T l TABLE

d e Laura, Alice, Luma, Edward, Bella, Melissa, Sam-Sam

e x

n Neko

y the B Guru T D

Vicky Blair a i

T m T a

Keds Jacob B i n

k a

a

Courtney

-On the scene: The PINKED hair vampire! The group walked toward the table when Jasper & Emmett looked up & burst out laughing.-

Jasper: HA HA! Your hair –gasp- what happened!?  
Edward: I don't want to talk about it. -.-;

-Alice whispered paint fight & Edward glared. The table soon filled up & people began to stare.-

Alana: People are staring at us.

Laura: That's because Jasper's emo.

Jasper: Am not!

Krista: Don't worry, Jasper, I don't think your emo.

Katie: Ummm…yeah, Edward?

Edward: Yes?

Katie: That other kid is glaring at you.

-Edward turned around & let out a hard HA!-

Edward: -mutters- Stupid Dog.

Jacob B: I heard that!

Vaki: FOOD FIGHT!

Luma, Bella, Stephanie, & Melissa: NO FOOD FIGHT!

Vaki: Fine. –Looks disappointed-

Edward: Ugh. The music is back.

Bella: Eh. ;

Luma: Laura! Check it out!

Laura: What?

Luma: I got the new DeathNote we ordered last week!

Laura: OMG! Really!

Luma: Uh Huh!

Laura: Yay! Let me see!

Luma: Ok! –Looks through her backpack & finds a big hole in it.- ….uhh.

Laura: Uhh what?

Luma: I can't find it.

Laura: WHAT!

Luma: It must've fallen out of this big hole in my backpack.

Laura: Luma how could you lose a DEATHNOTE!? Do you know what could happen!?

Luma: Is that a rhetorical question?

Laura: ...We have to look for it after school!

Luma: Ok!

At Jacob's Table

Jacob B: This sucks!

Vicky: I agree! I want to sit next to Edward.

Keds: Me too!

Blair: Who is this EDWARD!?

Guru: Just a boy in our painting class.

Blair: Is he gay?

Guru: Nope.

Blair: That sucks….hey how do you know so much?

Guru: …..Who told you about my image duplicator?

Blair: Your what?

Guru: …..Nothing, nothing, do you want some toast?

Blair: Sure.

Jacob B: I want to sit next to Bella!

Vicky: Bella must die!

Jacob B: How dare you!

Keds: She is right!

Jacob B: I will never allow you to commit such a crime!

-Vicky throws some dog food across the lunch room and Jacob chases it.-

Keds & Vicky: HA HA!

-Bella goes to the girl's bathroom.-

Vicky: Look there is my chance!

Keds: I will distract Edward!

Vicky: Hey wait a minute! Why do you get to distract Edward!?

Keds: Because you are a better Psycho than me.

Vicky: True.

-Vicky goes to the girl's bathroom.-

Keds: Hiya Edward!

Edward: …..Um hi.

Keds: Do you like music?

Edward: Sure…

Keds: Ok! ….HEY! HEY! YOU! YOU! I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO WAY! NO WAY! –Etc.-

Edward: No!

At the girl's Bathroom

-Bella is in a corner holding on to herself-

Bella: It's ok. Its ok. I will pass gym.

-Vicky creeps up behind her and whispers in a creepy voice-

Vicky: pssst...Duck tape works.

Bella: Ahh!

-Edward didn't hear the scream because of the girlfriend torture and the rest of the Cullens' didn't care-

-All the sudden ISE walks into the bathroom-

Ise: Uhhh Vicky...what are you doing?

Vicky: Nothing. I was just leaving.

Vicky's mind: Crap! I almost had her!

-Vicky leaves and after a few minutes Bella leaves too-

Back Lunch

Edward: Please! Stop It!

Keds: Ok!

Sam-Sam's mind: Hey Hey You You...

-she also is having fantasies about Edward but this fanfic is rated T so we aren't gross and refuse to write Sam-Sam's thoughts-

Edward: NOT AGAIN!!

Jacob: HA HA your in pain!!

Edward: Bella is my Fiansay!!

Jacob: ...NOOO!!

-Delay reaction much-

THE BELL RINGS-

IN THE HALLWAY

The B: ...

Rodney: Lunch was weird today.

Emmett: I don't think so.

Rodney: Who are you?!

Emmett: I'm Emmett the vam-BEAR

Rodney: Okay.

Luma: Hey guys!

Rodney and the B: Hi.

Emmett: Hey aren't you the crazy girl in my English class?

Luma: Uhhh...about that...I'm not crazy.

Emmett: Are you on drugs?

Luma: No.

Emmett: Do you go to theraphy?

Luma: ...How did you know?

Emmet: Lucky guess!

Luma: Well my therapist gave up on me so I kind of in need of a new one to drop my

problems on.

Emmett: I got an idea!!

Luma: What is it?

Emmett: My bro Jasper can help you out! He's good with emotions!

Luma: Can I bring my pals?

Emmett: Yep! Well C'ya later!

Luma : Bye-bye!

ALGEBRA II

Laura: Hey, don't we get our tests back today?

Robby: Ya.

Luma: I did good! -she is very proud-

Robby: You got your test back?

Luma: No.

Laura: Then why do you think you did good.

Luma: I stayed after school with the teach.

Robby: LOSER!

Luma: Shut up.

-They go and sit in their seats and Alice, Bella, and Edward walk in.-

Alice: Hiya Laura!

Laura: Hi.

Robby: She's cute.

Luma: -whispers- She's married.

Robby: Ohhh...

Bella: Hi crazy girl.

Edward: Ha.

Luma: I'm NOT crazy!!

Mrs Meyers: Quite Down!

-Stephanie, Vaki and Katie walk in-

Luma: Hey guys!

Stephanie: Hello!

-Luma and Stephanie hug like always-

Vaki: -moves Luma's chair- Heheheheeee...

Luma: I saw that!!

Vaki: Darn it.

Mrs M: Ok Class. I will pass back your tests.

-they all got their tests.-

Laura: A

Robby: A

Vaki: A

Katie: A

Stephanie: A

Luma: What!? How did I get an F?!

Laura: Luma which teacher helped you?

Luma: Mr. Stranoski.

Laura: There you go!

Mrs M: Class, open your textbooks to page 785...Luma what happened to your text book?

Luma:...it was punished for punishing.

Mrs M:...Okay...that's going to cost you.

-Luma glares at Edward-

Bella: Why is she glaring at you?

Edward: No reason, remember she is crazy! Hehehe...-evil grin-

-Luma shares Stephanie's text book and this is what the class looks like.-

teacher desk

desk katie stephanie lumA

Desk Edward Bella robby

desk alice laura vaki

desk--

Mrs. M: Ok class, I'm going to let you guys work in groups now.

-Katie turns to Laura-

Katie: Ok, Laura. I'm not feeling this.

Bella: Who really feels math?

Katie: True. So, I need your help.

-Katie, Bella, and Laura work on math, when Luma turns and yells at Edward-

Luma: You BROKE my textbook!! Now I have to buy a new one!

Edward: You're the one who _voluntarily_ broke it.

Stephanie: YOU broke my friend's textbook!? You better pay for it! Or else, I'll come after you.

Laura: Don't MAKE her whip out the Aly and AJ, man.

Edward: NO!! -twitches-

Alice: Hey! I like that band.

Vaki: Sweet, I do too.

-they brake off into their own conversation-

Mrs M: How come NO ONE is working!?

Robby: Ummm...Mrs. Meyers? I don't DO work!

Mrs M: Oh, right.

-Vaki sees Alice's paper-

Vaki: Wow! You're already done.

Alice: Umm...yeah! .;

-In fact, BOTH Cullens were done-

Laura: -mumbles- Figures.

Steph: How do they do that?!

Luma: What ever do you mean?

Steph: It's almost like they're too smart to be human!

Luma, Laura, Bella, Edward, and Alice: -unison- That's silly.

Steph and Katie: O.O;;

-the bell rings and everybody runs off to their FINAL class-

Luma: Sweet! Our one and only class WITHOUT the Cullens!

Laura: Yes! No one to cheat, read my mind, OR affect my emotions!

Luma: Freedom!!

-Luma tuns to see Rosalie walking behind them-

Luma: THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

-she grabs Laura and runs to Japanese class-

JAPANESE CLASS

Sensei's desk

Krista Kevin The B Rodney Vaki

Laura MelissaJ-quil Chiu Vicky

Luma Allysa Keds Christina desk

StephanieBlair Robby desk Alana

desk TamikaDiana Alex Sam-Sam

-They are all in a BIG discussion about Twilight-

Vicky: You guys, aren't the Volturi going to come?

Steph: Why would they come?

Vicky: Jeee...I don't know..Maybe its because half the school knows who they are and we are the only ones who got nerve enough to talk to them.

Luma: I got nerve! -Slap- Ow! Vaku, why'd you do that?

Vaki: Don't you dare sing Hannah Montana!

Vicky: They are perfect. -She is really trying to see if Luma will sing again-

Luma: Nobody's perfect! So lets make is-

Laura: ROCK!

Luma and Laura: Nobody's perfect! Except for the Cullens! ROCK!

Vicky and Robby: You guys are such retards!

Luma and Laura: We know!

Sensei: Ok class! Today we will be speaking. Yukiko-san (Tamika) say who you go to school with.

Yukiko: Tomodachitoikimasu. ( Translation: I go to school with my friend.)

Sensei: Good. Hikaru-kun (Robby) say if you are good at math.

Hikaru:...Stop picking on me, woman!

Sensei: ...

Hikaru: I mean...tsugakuhayokidekimasen. (Translation: I am good at math.)

Sensei: Good. Amaya-chan (Luma) say how you go to school.

Amaya: Gakohabasudeikimasu.

Sensei: Amaya-chan, you just said school rides the bus.

-everyone laughs-

Luma: Oh. My bad.

-a kid enters and gives sensei a paper-

Sensei: Akiko-chan (Laura) you are in charge of the class. I have to run down to a meeting.

Akiko: Ok! -Sensei leaves- MWAHAHAHAHA! FOOLISH MORTALS!! You are now at my mercy!!

Class: ...

Laura: Luma! Watch the door! Vickie! Make me pie! And Vaki! Do my homework!

-the class pauses and then everyone breaks out into their own conversation.-

Laura: -sulks- Ohhh...no one listens to me. T.T

Krista: Don't worry, Laura. Maybe the giraffes will do it for you later!

Laura: Maybe.

Diana: You don't think the Volturi will kill us, do you?

Alana: Naw, it would be too noticeable.

Robby: WHO ARE THE VOLTURI!?

Keds: You haven't read Twilight?

Robby: What's a Twilight?

Keds: You should go shoot yourself in the foot.

Robby: O.O;; How 'bout no.

J-quil: Hey! Couldn't Edward over hear us?

Melissa: Why'd you say that?

J-quil: 'Cause in Twilight, he was listening on Bella and Jessica's conversation in Trig, remember?

Krista: Oh yeah! That was when she announced she was Edward's girlfriend.

Laura: Sweet! So he can overhear us right now!

Laura's mind: Edward's a baka. He's an idiot. Jacob spends more time with Bella!

Luma: -pokes Laura- I think Sam-Sam's mind will be torture enough.

-Sam-Sam's off in La La land.-

Laura: True...

Steph: Oh No! I think Sensei's coming back.

-Sensei walks in-

Sensei: How was class, Akiko?

Laura: Annoying, rude, and disrespectful.

Sensei: Well, that's good.

Class: O.O;;

-Sensei resumes teaching-

Luma: -whispers- Ya know what I was just thinking?

Laura: What?

Luma: I was wondering, if our ray gun didn't affetc the Chemistry teachers, what did it affect?

Laura: You worry too much. Forget about it. We'll start over again, tonight.

-Just then the bell rang and the first day with the Cullens ended.-


	2. Japter

Chapter 2 AKA the JAPTER

Chapter 2 AKA the JAPTER

Luma's House 1 A.M.

-KNOCK KNOCK-

Luma: Who can it be at this hour? Mom, dad, and the kids aren't supposed to be back from Florida for another week.

-She opens the door-

Luma: -SHOCKED- JASPER!

Jasper: Hello.

Luma: What are you doing here? –Still shocked-

Jasper: You need therapy…right.

Luma: Yeah…but why now?

Jasper: Alice said it'd be fun now.

-Luma looks and sees Alice waving from the car, Alice comes toward them.-

Alice: Hi Luma! Good Morning!

Luma: I'm going back to bed.

Alice: Wait you have to go through therapy then we have school.

-Alice takes Jasper and Luma into the family room.-

Alice: Ok Jasper, take out your therapy stuff and let's begin.

-Jasper takes out a BLACK notebook and a pencil.-

Luma: Hey your notebook looks familiar.

Jasper: ….Lets begin.

Luma: Ok.

Jasper: What troubles you?

Luma: Ok…here it goes. Every Tuesday at 12:44 P.M I have A2 and I hate A2! I'd rather be falling into a pool of cold water. I also hate how the school bell, a nightmare, rings sooo loud!...break my hand…..etc.- She goes on and on.-

-Jasper was writing what Luma said. He wrote down 12:44P.M, Falling, Bella (by accident), And Algebra 2 break hand.-

Alice: Look at the time!

Jasper & Luma: …..

Alice: Time to get ready for school!

Luma: Oh shit! –Luma starts to run but Alice catches her.-

Alice: Time to get dressed!

Luma: No!

-After an hour they all go to the car to pick up Laura.-

Laura's House

-DING DONG. Laura answers the door.-

Laura: What the…HAHAHAHA…what are you wearing!

Luma: Shut up!

Alice: Doesn't she look adorable!

Laura: Ha HA- She takes a pic with her cell phone-

Luma: Stop that!

Laura: But its soo funny!

Alice: I think pink is her color.

Laura: Ok ok lets go to school hehehe.

Luma: You guys are so mean.

-Alice and Laura hug her.-

Luma: Why do I have to go to school like this?

Alice: Because you are my new doll.

Laura: I like it.

Luma: Why can't you dress Bella up?

Alice: Because Bella is sleeping.

Luma: Then wake her up!

Alice; That's rude.

Luma: you woke me up!

Alice: You needed therapy.

Laura: Let's just go to school.

-They all go to school and see Vicky by Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, & Bella.-

By V, E, E, R, & B

Vicky: ANTI-SPARKLE sunscreen! For your delicate skin condition. Ditching is fun in the sun but when you get back you feel like crap because of all the homework.

All: …….

-Keds comes up and kisses Edward on the cheek. Bella prepares to punch her but Jacob gets in the way and she punches him therefore breaking her hand.-

Meanwhile

Luma: Hi Courtney!

Courtney: Look! My wish came true!

Sasuke: HELP!

-Courtney is dragging Sasuke away.-

Itachi: Ha! You lack hatred!

Luma: OMG! I love you! –She hugs him.-

Itachi: Ok…wait a minute. I need his eyes!

-He chases after Courtney and Sasuke.-

Luma: Laura…

Laura: Yes.

Luma: I think I know what are ray gun did.

Laura: Me too.

DRUNKS GO TO BARS & EDWARD GOES TO MCDONALD'S 

-So everyone went through there daily routines as usual, Laura banged her head against the desk while Emmett laughed in chemistry, Edward broke another simulator, yet again. And Bella was tempted to throw paint at Jacob in art. Poor Bella……-

-12:42 P.M Algebra 2 just let out.-

Bella: So if y equals 0, then what does x equal?

Katie: I just put no solution.

Steph: Why?

Robby: b/c it's the answer to life!

Katie: Yup! When in doubt, put no sol.

Bella: Oh….

-Laura, Luma, & Vaki turned to leave & Bella & Edward followed.-

Laura: Dude! Stop stalking us!

Edward: Were not.

Bella: I have to go upstairs to my locker.

-They turned to go upstairs.-

Vaki: -mutters- Paranoid.

-They enter the Japanese classroom and sit down. 12:44 P.M.AAAHHHHHH! Everyone runs to the stairs and sees Bella lying face down on the ground.-

Edward: Bella!

Laura: Sweet! Lets poke her –pokes Bella-

Edward: She's not moving!

Rosalie: Yes, I mean, oh NO!

-Luma looks at the clock.-

Luma: Why does that time sound so familiar?

Laura: Yup! She's definitely dead.

Alice: Well that's not good.

-Edward looks like he is about to cry.-

Edward: I think I'm going to take a road trip to Italy.

Luma: Wait! Laura!

Laura: Yes?

Luma: We both saw Itachi and Sasuke, right?

Laura: Yes.

Luma: So what if this wasn't an accident? What if this was something more?

Laura: OMG! Your right! –Whacks Edward-

Why'd you push your girlfriend down the stairs?!

Edward: I didn't!

-Jasper pats his bro on the back.-

Jasper: Its ok, Edward C'mon I know the perfect place that will cheer you up! –Drags his bro away-

Luma: No Laura! What if someone has a DEATH NOTE?

Laura: You lost me…

Luma: What if Light Yagami is here and he's killing off people in his Death Note!? What if he thought Bella was L!? –Points to Bella.-

Laura: Since when does Bella look like a gothic monkey?

-Luma heres snickering and turns to see Ryuk-

Luma: On My Grass! Ryuk! –Hugs Ryuk-

Laura: Ryuk! Where? She never touched the death note that's why she can't see him.-

Rosalie: Great, now they have imaginary friends.

Luma: So this means Light is here!

Ryuk: Not really, He is wondering around somewhere right now. I came because I was bored. –Snickers when he looks at Bella.-

Luma: Wait! So that means you know who has the other death note.

Ryuk: Yup and I'll tell you for a price. –Automatically hands Ryuk an apple.-

Sweet! So, yeah……

Meanwhile, with Jasper and Edward

Jasper: See? Don't you feel better now?

Sitting in the McDonald's play place area with screaming kids running around them.-

Edward: No T.T

Jasper: Aw, cheer up Edward! personality suddenly changes.- Things will taste better on rye bread.

Edward: Jasper, you're scarin' me.

-Looks across the room to see Jiraya (drunk) playing with the kids (That's called child molesting1 HA!)-

Edward: Not good -.-;

-Meanwhile-

Alice: HAHAHAHA!

Luma: What is it?

Alice: You won't believe what's going to happen! –She whispers to Laura & Luma.-

All: HAHAHAHA! –They all fall.-

-Back at Micky D's-

Jiraya: Ha ya right! That's not how you do a rasengan!

Konohamuru: Then how?

-Jiraya gets up walking in a drunken manner up to Edward.-

Jiraya: RASENGAN! –He attacks Edward-

Edward: Ahh- he starts to run in a circle while Jiraya chases him.-

Jasper: Run Edward! Run! –His mood changes again- Yay! Slide! –he runs to the playhouse.-

Megumi; Wait!

Jasper: Whattttt…..I wanna play.

Megumi: You have to take your shoes off first.

Jasper: Oh I forgot –he takes off his shoes and goes into the playhouse.-

Edward: Jasper! Come and help me! This old man is crazy!

Jiraya: Orochimaru! I will kill you!

Edward: Who is Orochimaru?!

-All the sudden a blond lady wearing a green jacket bursts in-

Tsunade: JIRAYA!

Jiraya: Uh oh.

Tsunade: What are you doing here! We are supposed to go gambling!

Jiraya: -comes to his sense-Oh yeah! Let's gamble right here.

Tsunade: Ok –They start gambling at the PLAYHOUSE in front of CHILDREN!-

Edward: Ok….OMG did you guys know that McDonald's uses cows that are on steroids for there burgers!

All: ….

Edward: Ya it's true! –He knows this because a McDonald's employee just past him and was thinking about it…ya.- They also give the tongue to an ethnic market!

All: -start to throw out there food.-

Jasper: Hey Ed! I bet you can't catch me!

Edward: What?

Jasper: Come and catch me!

Edward: No! You come down here right this instant!

Jasper: No! Make me!

Edward: How dare you speak to your mother that way!

Jasper: NANANANA!

Edward: That's it little missy, I'm gonna give you a spanking so hard that you will never forget it!

Jasper: Not if you can't catch me!

Edward: I'm gonna get you! –Ed runs into the playhouse and gets stuck.-

Jasper: Ha! I'm going home! –he leaves. After a few hours, Edward begins to think about Bella.-

Edward: I can't believe she's dead. I mean… EHY DID SHE HAVE TO DIE! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER….wait a minute technically I'm already dead NO! IT'S ALREADY BEGUN! THE END OF DEATH! I'm going to have to end my unlively death! But how…I know I'll call Jason! Wait…he's already dead. How about Mr. Meyers! Oh wait he only comes out on Halloween. –Somebody comes up to him.-

Somebody: Psst how about the Volturi.

Edward: I know I'll call the VOLTURI, they'll kill me!

-At the front of McDonald's-

Cashier: May I take your order?

Rosalie: Yes, I'll have the southern style salad and he'll take –Emmett interrupts-

Emmett: Can I get a happy meal?!

Cashier: ……

Rosalie: -whispers- He like the toy.

Cashier: Oh…ok is that all?

Rosalie: Yes.

Emmett: Hey look its Edward!

-Emmett runs into the playhouse.-

MEANWHILE

Alice: Laura & Luma come with me!

Laura: Where?

Alice: My house!

Luma: WHOA! You are not dressing us up!

Alice: no silly! We have to talk to Carlisle and Esme about this!

Laura & Luma: About what?

Alice: you guys knowing our secret and Bella's death.

L&L: Ohhh…..

Alice: Then I'll dress you up!

L&L: NO! We have to bring Bella back!

Bing Bing Bang!

So the duo and Alice walked up to Edward's car, when Jasper appeared out of nowhere.-

Alice: Jasper! –Hugs Jazz-

Laura: Dude, he poofed out of nowhere.

Luma: You're like Jagger –eyes grew wide- you're SO COOL!

Jasper: So what are we going to do?

Alice: First, we are going to break into Edward's car. Then we are going to have a meeting! Where's Edward?

Jasper: He's playing at McDonald's. So immature.

Alice: Oh, well let's brake in!

Jasper: Alice, I have a key….

Alice: But breaking in is more fun.

Laura: I like breaking in!

Luma: And breaking in is fun!

Alice: Sweet. Let's go!

-They break in and drive away.-

MEANWHILE

Rosalie: EMMETT! What are you doing!?

-Emmett has an ax raised over Edward's head.-

Emmett: Trying to kill Edward.

Rosalie: There are children present.

Emmett: Oh…here-gives the ax to a pink haired girl.-

Girl: Cool! Kenny! Look what I got! –Walks away-

Rosalie: C'mon. This place is making me sad. Let's go home.

Emmett & Edward: Yeah….

-They leave-

Back at the car

Jasper: Alice, can we please turn off the AXEL F song.

Alice: AW, I like this song…

L&L: Bing Bing Bong!

Jasper: Look! We're here!

-Parks outside the mansion and they all walk inside.-


End file.
